it’s possibly, very much so, a pre-midlife crisis…

i think the thing for me now is that i have to plan to have fun – i almost have to work at having fun. where as back then, it came much more naturally. it’s much harder to do the balancing act at this stage of life.

i’m at that half-way point. the years of being more carefree are so far away. but i’m also years from that retirement phase. at the same time, i don’t know where the time has gone – when i see my kid growing up, it happens so fast that there are moments of it (not the crazy moments, mind you – or even the frustration of the daily grind) that i want it to slow down.

this… might just very well be my pre-midlife or even totally-right-there-smack-in-my-face midlife crisis.

i was emailing with my friend, B, about my 20’s. how easier it was without all this ‘adult responsibilities’ we now face day-to-day:

partying with friends

don’t even know who that girl is to my left

“man – i remember the days where friday, coming home, i could do anything i want. anything. if i felt like going out clubbing, i’d ring up tko and rvx. if i felt like hanging out with friends, i would do just that – maybe head right down to meet up with the posse for dinner right from work (when ada/hoa lived on mccaul street – perfect location for dining and entertainment). if i felt like just staying home to watch dvd’s in bed all night, so be it. if i felt like playing video games until 2am… who’s going to stop me?

saturday, i’d wake up, have a light breakfast and head off to sunnyside. i’d do a 5k run and then meet up with the dragon boat team for practice. afterwards, there was no rush… we’d just hang out longer at sunnyside for some brunch/lunch. then some of us might go somewhere – like walk around downtown and go for some window shopping.

then i’d go home and basically repeat my options from friday night.”

that was pretty much it. this described more than half of my weekends back then.

but of course, i also concluded that at age 41, it would be pretty sad if i was still living my life like i did back when i was 25. there’s a time and place for everything. and when i see people my age still doing this while walking around and acting like ‘they’re all that’ and trying to make me feel that i’m just not…. well, neither are they, really.

it’s not that we can’t still go out with friends, hang out at a bar and have some good laughs… there’s just a difference between knowing how to have fun at 41 instead of trying to have fun like we’re not 41. huge different. the latter is just so very, very sad.

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