basically what i ended up telling my mother today:
“stop it… stop making this about you!
i am going through a lot right now – my mental health, my physical health and a lot is going on at work.
i work really hard to be a good wife, a good mother and a good daughter.
i try really hard at all of these things.
i need you to grow up and start acting like an adult.
i need you to be a loving and supportive mother.
so stop making it sound like everyone is against you.
it is NOT about you!”
i could go on about what triggered this – as in, what event(s) took place to end in this type of confrontation. but why bother. it doesn’t matter what it’s about. what matters is that anything and everything gets twisted around by her (and sometimes my father) to the point where it becomes a battle of some sort.
a simple thing that should bring happiness and joy, gets turned into something ugly – just because there needs to be one side that has to be right. one side that has to show that they know more than the other. that things HAVE to be done in a particular way.
and if that doesn’t go as pictured, there’s this drama. this ‘poor me everyone is against me’ martyr.
the above rant to her was not meant to gain pity. it was not meant to pull a guilt trip even though inevitably, it might have.
i felt good that i said those words to her because it was with a clear conscience and with the purest intent to tell her that i can’t give anymore than i am already giving at this stage.
this was not just about whatever brought this on recently. this is something over years and years of the same thing coming to light in different ways. but all the same within.