yes, i am fit. yes, i love good food – wholesome, healthy food. i’m not the best with eating healthy all the time. and i’m horrible at eating at a healthy schedule. but still, even my husband was surprised to learn that i’m 99.9% sure to be diabetic.
what has caused my risk to become a reality is that i had gestational diabetes – which increases a woman’s chances of getting diabetes type 2 before turning 50 by 50% more (on top of any other factors increasing her chances – for me, there’s family history involved).
i’ve been bracing myself for this news for awhile now. i knew it was always a risk which is part of the reason why i decided to really lose that weight from several years ago and try my best to change my lifestyle. not to an angelic one – but something where i could balance things off and make some compromises.
even still, i am a little bummed with the news. i learned this through my doctor on wednesday, who’s sending me off for more tests but is pretty convinced the results will come back positive, and spent yesterday alone. after i dropped off chaeli, i went home (i’m on a mini-vacation as we speak) and watched a lot of ‘walking dead’ on netflix as well as ai wei wei’s documentary, never sorry.
it was my way of trying to keep myself relaxed and stress-free while processing the information. i emailed a few of my close friends about it because i felt it was a step to addressing the truth for myself. and i’m not ready to tell my family – i figure i need to wait until the next set of tests before i let them know. if anything, it may shed light as to where i stand with this disease.
most people i know who have diabetes 2 get it well into their 50’s, 60’s or beyond. so it’s a little weird (and maybe even a little embarrassing?) to be coming out at age 40 with this information. i feel like i am too young. i was hoping that if this was a reality of my future, it would come at least ten years later.
but… it is what it is.
i’ll be spending the next few months with visits with my doctor as he monitors how i fair trying to control my diabetes with a lifestyle change. for me, the exercising won’t be an issue. it will be the challenge of rescheduling my life around an eating schedule – and being more strict about the science of my meal plans. otherwise, i already love healthy, wholesome food. i may just not have the luxury of having more dessert or alcohol when out with friends and family. the days of working hard for a nice rewards may be all in the past as a reward from now on will be a sliver of pie once in awhile.
i am, however, not going to give up. i’ll do what i must because i don’t see it as the end of the world.