bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils

pencilsDon’t you love New York in the Fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies… I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address.

– joe fox, played by tom hanks, from You’ve Got Mail.

it’s this time of the year, every year, where i remember that quote. and perhaps the thought of a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils (and the lovely smell of them, as meg ryan’s character noted to her co-worker) gives me just a hint of pleasure knowing that we’ll be greeted with the beautiful sights and smell of fall.

there’s definitely a lot to look forward to in the fall. for one, we have at least one last camping trip which may be on the cooler side at night but is less buggy and the parks are much less crowded. there’s the fall colours which always makes a great background for hiking. and of course, thanksgiving is always a favourite holiday of ours.

deep fried turkey after all!

but… underneath this small amount of excitement is a masked mourning phase where i have not completely let go of summer. i’m not ready to let go of the more leisurely after work home life that hits us too hard and suddenly when ever we’re into september.

my depression always hits me around the mid to late fall months, sometimes leading into winter. it’s become pretty clockwork in the past couple of years (more like i’ve now noticed the timing ever since i’ve been monitoring my mental health status). so i’m always cautious when this time of the year approaches.

we had a really leisurely long weekend. aside from having a very filling feast of large shrimp cocktail (with home made sauce), a lovely, fresh tomato, prociutto and bocconcini over arugula and baby spinach salad. barbequed rib-grilling steaks and baby potatoes (red, white and purple) for my parents’ 46th anniversary, we spent most of our time lounging, playing video games and watching movies.

a part of me needed it. but at the end of the weekend, i wasn’t feeling right. the ‘not-doing-much’ gets to me after even just 2 days and i feel extremely restless. the weather was only so-so which was our excuse for not going on a hike. we’ll have to make up for it this sunday.

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