as a continuation of yesterday’s post, i happen to find myself doing something completely mundane yesterday, where i was so involved in it that i actually forgot about anything else i usually carry around with me in my mind.
while my daughter finished her dinner, i decided to go through a big stack of coupon books piling up on our kitchen table.
in the past, we would just cut them up, pile them together and clip/stick them on our fridge.
yesterday, i got the idea to divide them up into five different categories and place them in envelopes.
and so, i went to work on my mini-project, only to discover as i went through cutting and sorting, i had found a moment of peace.
it sounds very strange, indeed. but the reality is that i normally don’t get to just sit and do anything mundane these days. i miss the simplicity of doing a task that involves very little thinking but that has a beginning, middle and end that’s all very clear-cut and uncomplicated.
it’s actually sad, really, to realize that i miss doing simple things mainly because my life is so not simple these days. everything just seems really complicated. and while i’m not saying that i want to revert my entire life to doing just simple tasks, yesterday’s moment just reminded me how completely off balance things have gotten.
i use to love my job. even with all the craziness – i was good at it. now? it doesn’t matter how good i am. i am doing the job of 5 people but there only my mistakes are now being pointed out. and i’m making more mistakes then before because i am stressed and being pushed to my limits.
so as i concentrated on cutting and sorting those coupons yesterday, i just kept on thinking how much i was enjoying that little quiet moment. i’m a terrible cutter, too. i can never cut a straight line and i’m very clumsy. it’s amazing how i haven’t cut my fingers more often than i have. but that didn’t matter because that moment was not meant for perfection, as so many other moments of my life is. i was able to just lose myself into cutting those coupons. and fixating on the job of doing a task that had no pressure.
again, how sad is that? that there’s pressure around almost everything that i do these days. that rarely anything is being done for pleasure and when i do get some moment to relax, i am too wound up to do so.