9th wedding anniversary

i didn’t get doug anything for our anniversary. nothing new, really. we normally just make sure we celebrate. my parents babysit on a weekend we can make just ours and we either stay in and cook, go out for dinner or, on a rare occassion, go for a mini-vacation. these past couple of years have just been day trips with nice hikes or visits with the wineries.

anyway – i’m also not big on cards. but this year, i really felt a need to give my husband a heartful letter. we’re not together today but he’s always carried in my heart wherever i go:

dear doug,

happy 9th wedding anniversary!

it’s crazy to know that it’s already been 9 years with just another year to go for our 10th.

i didn’t get you anything – not even a card. so all i can do for the moment is be very honest with you with my feelings…

i’m so happy to know that i’ve found some one like you in my life. you make me laugh and you know cool things that i would never know and in fact, didn’t know before meeting you. like when our city had that gang-issue earlier this summer, and they went on about gun control. and how you taught me that was pretty much bs because of what our gun laws are already like (i.e. you explained exactly what it was involved to legally own a gun and how tougher did they expect it to get?) or your plethora of advanced first aid knowledge. and even though it sometimes bugs me to watch a tv drama show (like rescue me or chicago fire which we watched together last night) when you say things like, “that’s so not real” or “yeah, that would never happen” i still like watching those kinds of shows with you because in the end, i learn a lot. and it gives me pleasure to see you so wrapped up in something that is the passion of your life.

i’m so sorry that i’m not able to give you a life where it is free of the darkness that comes with my mental suffering. i wish it just wasn’t so. it is definitely not fair to you and i really do hope whatever it is that i have does not get worse.

i still envision the two of us, as an old couple (hopefully not fighting as much as my parents) going for walks and holding hands – no matter how old we are.

love, shy.

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