i’ve been meaning to jot down some random thoughts. the great thing about procrastination – when i finally get to it, there’s a lot of back-dated thoughts. once all written down, it’s amazing to see how my mind can jump around from one thing to another.
- i read people stating they feel happier being diagnosed with a disorder such as depression or anxiety. i always wondered, how could this be? maybe the drugs make them happier? no – i think i understand why. for most of us, this has been something that’s been going on for most of our adult lives. now that i’m more focused on where my anxiety came from, i can easily trace it back to my childhood. all this time, i thought what i was experiencing was normal. would i be happier if i didn’t have anxiety disorder? how would i know? i’ve never known life any other way. so the sick part of all of this is… the idea of being cured frightens me because i am afraid of what is on the other side. it’s the unknown. in a twisted way, having it, but learning to deal with it, live with it and hopefully control it, is the familiar. and the familiar makes me happier. i know that’s not at all healthy but it’s the truth – it’s how i feel. but then there are days where i wish i wasn’t plagued by this illness at all. it’s an up and down battle.
- GPS – a fabulous technology. but only for those who use it properly. so while i don’t own one myself, i’ve been in more cars where the drivers use it improperly over the ones that understand how to use it effectively. the improper ones have completely abandoned preparing themselves with direction and maps prior to hitting the road. rather, they sit there, trying to locate an address they are not sure of or type of a name there only quasi-remember, not only wasting time in the programming process, but then, for whatever reason, still getting lost or taking a route that’s not efficient at all. i find these drivers will add at least 30-45 minutes of wasted time. which if fine – except when i’m stuck in the car with them.
- chaeli is at a cool age where she’s still young and so i still call her ‘my baby’ (though will i ever stop? she’ll always be my baby). but she’s also old enough to have these cool conversations. it’s that in between stage of little kid and big kid. but sadly, this stage will not last forever. every time some one asks me how old she is and says, “wow – she’s eight already?” it sort of breaks my heart a bit. too fast, too fast, too fast…
- as i mentioned before, two weekends in a row, every four weeks, we do not get doug home for the whole weekend. the first weekend of his four week cycle, he leaves early sunday and comes back monday morning after we’ve left for the day. and then the 2nd weekend, he leaves early saturday, coming home around 8 to 8:30am sunday. while i like that he is home on a saturday – where i can get things done – there’s something about the familiarity that is now the rhythm of our lives, when he comes home on sunday’s. it’s the anticipation. we’ve all just woken up not too long before all the sounds indicate his arrival – hobbes barking (and then his excited puppy-whine when he realizes it’s daddy), chaeli yelling, “daddy’s home! daddy’s home!” and then doug’s laughter when he’s greeted by a very excited hobbes followed by a loving hug from our kid. i’m usually last in line to give him a kiss before we all head into the kitchen to start our sunday brunch. would i rather have him home every weekend for the entire weekend? sure. but this way isn’t so bad. not at all. not with all those beautiful sounds to kick start a lazy sunday.
- the latest cover on Time – “are you mom enough?” well, by their definition, i’m happy to answer with a firm, “no.” and i’m quite confident about my answer. i will probably, in time, devote a whole post to this subject but the question posed by the cover of this magazine is quite insulting. am i mom enough? what the hell is that suppose to mean? yes, i’m sure the magazine was just trying to sell it’s main controversial cover story with a very controversial question as its title – but that title alone just set us women back a century.