i use to not care so much what people thought of me.
no – scratch that. i cared but i didn’t worry about judgment as much. i think it’s okay to care. in fact, most people have this misconstrued perception that caring about what people think is a weakness.
it’s not – if it’s within reason and remains balanced.
caring about what people (especially people that matter) think of us helps us to align our growth and goals on a path that is honourable. of course i want to be perceived as a good person – because i WANT to be a good person.
that said, the other side of the coin – the balancing act of this – is that we can not control what people want to think. we do our best to match our true selves to the image that we see. we try, at least i hope, to be the best we can be.
and scoring karma points doesn’t hurt either.
when i am feeling lost, though, which is something i’ve struggled with for awhile now, it’s hard to go from caring and fearing of what people see in me. i fear judgment. and letting people down. there’s a lot of people i can easily let down.
i’m constantly trying to hold strong for so many people in my life. and it worries me that i will fail. that’s when i fear judgment.
all this is starting to come together for me – as i prepare for counseling. i’ve been having some good conversations with trust-worthy friends and with their support, i’ve been able to be bluntly honest about what’s been going on inside. Not everything is clear to me but it is at least less murky from when i first started opening up.