now that she wants something…

in the past, i ranted about my previous manager making me edit her manuscript that she was going to turn in to harlequin. it was an awful read. and no, i never finished it. i basically told her that it was too hard for me to do and gave it back to her. at that point, i didn't care that she was my manager. i got the sense that she wouldn't be at the company for much longer (and i was right – she was gone 10 months later).

i always told doug that i would never trust her as a friend. that if she behaved the way she did at work to her other friends, who would trust her? i got the sense that she was just horrible at being there for anyone but herself.

she was just an all-around selfish person. and she only needed people to serve a purpose for her. once you didn't serve any purpose for her, you would hardly hear from her. in fact, to her – out of sight, out of mind.

of course, this wasn't easy for me to be objective about. since i mainly only knew her at work. and sometimes, people can be a lot different in their different roles in life – something i don't agree with. my personal philosophy is to try and be true in all areas of life and not to have different images, as one will easily lose sight of their true and real self. plus, images are like lies – they catch up on you and backfire.

recently, she got a job in sales. up until then, she hardly emailed me or replied back to me. now, all of the sudden, not only is she replying back to me right away, but there's a sales-hitch with the email.

i find it tactless.

i also recently found out through a common friend (who is connected with the circle my ex-manager use to be tight with) that my ex-manager is, indeed, a horrible friend. she lost all her old friends – especially her best friend whom she hurt. what happened was that her ex-best friend lost her mother. and instead of going to the funeral or at least contacting her then best friend, she did nothing. not even a card.

i find this horrible. anytime any of my friends has had a loss in their family, i always reach out to them. and when possible, i go to the funeral to show my support. it is not something i feel that i have to do. it is something that i want to do. and i know they would do the same for me.

and so, after all these years, i suppose my judgement was not far off at all.

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5 thoughts on “now that she wants something…

  1. I would say that your judgment is right on the mark. There is the saying, "You find out who your real friends are…." That is so true. When we go through trials and struggles, that is when we find out who our real friends are. I used to think I had a lot of friends (not deep good ones, but friends nevertheless). When we went through our family trauma, I found that I had three friends that stood by me….3!! So many people who had known me for years believed the things they heard. It broke my heart. You are lucky to have good judgment of others character, because that is so important in a friend. I seem to be a bit gullible and I have to be careful. On another note, don't you just hate that when someone adds on a sales reference to every email of facebook post. I have a facebook friend from high school. At our 30th reunion, a lot of us became friends on facebook. I have found that most of his posts and notes are about a business that he tries to get people involved in. Sad. It is a real turnoff for a friendship!

  2. Isn't a little amazing when you find out your first impressions of a person, or impressions of a person from a limited perspective, are correct? I'm not surprised your ex-manager has lost most of her friends, but I do pity her for the isolation she created. I can't believe she's trying to work her sales pitches on you. It just shows that she only thinks of you as a stepping stone for her own success (i.e. a customer) rather than as a friend.I know quite a few people who act differently depending on their environment, which I've often found disconcerting. I can understand being a bit more business-like at the workplace, but I could never, nor ever felt the need, to have different personalities at work, home or school. I've made a lot of life-long friends through work, which never would have happened if I hadn't been my genuine self.

  3. I know quite a few people who act differently depending on their environment, which I've often found disconcerting. I can understand being a bit more business-like at the workplace, but I could never, nor ever felt the need, to have different personalities at work, home or school. I've made a lot of life-long friends through work, which never would have happened if I hadn't been my genuine self.
    exactly. i do have a more professional behaviour at work but overall, i'm still me. it's a very difficult thing to remember because i think society conditions us to follow roles rather then mold our own personality into each role, if that makes any sense. there are days, i find this harder to do then others but it's what i aim to do – to knock down these images that really do not represent my true self.

  4. yeah – i know what you mean. i emailed her a book recommendation because i figure she would like it. her reply was within 5 minutes (other replies were one liners that could take up to 3 months if at all). she said that she would check it out. and then spent an entire paragraph trying to sell me the service she is now in sales for.
    five words were personal – the next 200 were business.

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