A Post About My Post Valentines Day

First of all, for those who celebrate Chinese New Year/Lunar New Year… Happy New Year! And to my fellow Mandarin speakers, Gong Xi Fa Cai | 恭喜发财 !

Of course, to my fellow k-pop friends:

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BTS sporting their Korean hanboks!

Now, I mentioned in my last post I wasn’t big on celebrating Valentines. I’m also not big on receiving flowers but I will say yes to dark chocolate because I’ll always say yes to dark chocolate. And I’ll also say yes to strawberries especially if covered with said dark chocolate.

Well, I didn’t receive chocolate covered strawberries. But my husband DID make something for me and it was just as good! Heart-shaped dark chocolate, unsweetened peanut butter cups!

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Yummy in my tummy!

He spent all afternoon making it. Which wasn’t easy as he was so dead tired. He came off of his shift that same morning. Their firetruck was out so many times during his 24 hour shift that by lunch time, he said he had already gone out 12 times. And it just didn’t stop there! He barely got more than 30 minutes sleep at a time overnight (and it the opportunity to sleep didn’t come often).

[SIDE NOTE: Please ensure your fire alarms are clean and working with good batteries – clear as much clutter in your house, too; Simple steps could save your life! Most of his bad calls are due to either causes or a combination.]

So to state I have an amazing husband is an understatement.

And as I took a vacation day on Chinese New Year, him and I met up for lunch at a new farm-to-place restaurant. It wasn’t cheap but it was pretty good. I would go back again to try some different menu options but it’s not easy on the wallet so I would reserve the place for special occasions. What I felt was way over-priced was the wine list. I didn’t see any wine that stood out and most of them were by the bottle. There were a handful by the glass but once again, nothing special. and $10 for just 5 oz? Most place I go to will charge $15-18 by the glass but at least I get 10oz. It was a bit of a let down considering the type of food they served.

My pet peeve for 2018 – pretentious wine lists.

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I’m so unromantic it’s not funny…

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Thanks Kbop-Khop for giving me something fun to post about – yet again. 🙂

I’m actually not a big fan of Valentine’s Day. I never was – single or not single. I’ve felt it was one of the most unromantic day of the year because of how commercial it is. But this 10 Valentine’s Day Questions sounds like fun! So let’s go!

1. What is your favorite Valentine’s Day treat?

Dark chocolate. I’m talking 85% or 90% dark chocolate! And really fresh strawberries – organic please. A difficult thing to purchase during winter months here in Canada. But I’d splurge just to sink my teeth in some juicy strawberries!

2. Sweethearts or chocolate covered strawberries?

My answer from question #1 sums it up! Chocolate covered strawberries – but even better if the chocolate has a bit of that bitter dark taste.

3. What was your favorite Valentine’s day memory?

I don’t have any! I have had bad Valentine’s day memories, though. Does that count? The one that comes to mind is a date I had with my 2nd long term relationship boyfriend. He was in such a horrible mood and when we finally got to his place, we found his snobby aunt was visiting (he was still living at home at the time). His aunt barely paid any attention to me and just gabbed away with him – both acting like I wasn’t there. She was just really, really horrible. I just kept on thinking what I waste of time this was for me to be there. The older and more confident me would have just excused myself and left. If I could have turned back time that’s exactly what I would have done. The younger me was foolish enough to hope we were still able to salvage the date. Uh, yeah. I was wrong!

4. What movie would you rather watch on Valentine’s Day: Pretty Woman or You’ve Got Mail?

A tough one as I like both! I think it would totally depend on my mood. If I had to pick one, I would probably gravitate towards Pretty Woman.

5. Which restaurant would you prefer to go to for a Valentine’s Day date?

That’s the one thing I detest most about Valentine’s Day. Here in Toronto, any nice restaurant will have a set menu (3 or 4 course) which is a waste for me as I don’t like the dessert ‘must-order’ part. Also, they seem to cram as many tables in and well, you practically feel like you’re dining with the couples next to you! It’s extremely impersonal and unromantic. Since I met my husband, while we were dating and childless at least, we would stay in and just enjoy a quiet dinner together.

6. What would you do on your perfect Valentine’s date?

If I didn’t have to work during the daytime I would go for a spa pedicure and then to a cafe to drink an afternoon Americano while listening to k-pop.

Evening time? Stay in and avoid the Valentine crowd. And of course, have sex. What? I’m just being honest!

7. Red or pink lips on Valentines Day?

Pink lipstick, please. But I’ve always preferred pink over red lips on myself.

8. What is your ideal Valentine’s Day date outfit?

Since I’d be at home in hiding, nothing special. My yoga pants and a t-shirt – but I would be wearing my pink fuzzy socks.

9. Homemade or store-bought gifts?

Home made – in the sense of having my husband cook me food. Preferably a medium rare steak with great red wine.

10. Would you wear your hair up or hair down for a date night?

Up – It’s about comfort.

So as you can see, I’m pretty boring, yeah? And a bit dirty I guess because I’d want to have sex but honestly that’s not different from most nights. 😉

I think it’s just that I like romance to be that kind of unplanned, small surprises here and there at random moments anytime. Not just on February 14th each year. And I don’t think romantic gestures need to be this grand thing.

I don’t care for flowers either – they die. And then I’d have to clean them up and I’m too lazy to do that so the dead flowers stay in a vase in front of me for a month.

Yup. I’m so unromantic it’s not even funny.

Dreaming of BTS – No seriously, I’ve had dreams of BTS!

I’m not TRYING to dream about BTS but they have appeared in my dream at least twice. Maybe even a third time but the last one was so hazy I’m not sure. I do know each one involved just one member. And here is a very simple description of each:

Dream #1: Jin

I walk into the kitchen and Jin is sitting there at the table. He starts to yell at me Jin-style like he does when he’s being Angry Jin. No, I don’t know what I did wrong. No, I have no idea what he’s saying to me because it’s all in Korean. I did read another blogger stating she had a dream of BTS and luckily for her, there were sub-titles floating in front/below each member as they talked to her. Much like many Youtube videos us non-Korean speaking fans have become dependent on. I had no such luck. And the dream ended shortly after me just standing there, bewildered at why he was yelling at me.

I think I should have been more concerned with why Worldwide Handsome, Kim Seokjin, was sitting in my kitchen. And exactly how did he get in in the first place?

Dream #2: Jungkook

My phone had been buzzing with message notifications all day. I was really busy though, so I ignored them. Then I got a call from a very angry Jungkook who demanded to know why I wasn’t responding to any of his texts. I’m not at all sure where this one came from – there was this one Youtube video of their People Magazine interview where Jungkook got a bit of heat from his hyungs for never responding to any of the texts they sent him.

Other than that, I have no idea why Jungkook would be texting me. And exactly what was so important I had to drop everything just to respond to him? Strange dream indeed.

Dream #3: Suga

I think I had a dream of Suga last night but it was pretty broken up and short for me to fully remember what was going on.

All I remember is Suga just being really disappointed in me. What did I do wrong? What did I do to make him feel like I am a let down? I have no idea. He wasn’t angry at me, but he was just shaking his head. I mean, it IS Suga – he appears to be the one that used to keep the young ones in line so at least in my dream, he was in character.

In Summary

I clearly have some anxiety issues of letting people down. Why BTS are the ones playing into my subconscious mind is beyond me. I know my daughter thinks I’m lucky to dream about them.

Really? All they’re doing is acting mad at me! Why would she want to dream about that?

I had to get that off my chest. I’m so stressed with the amount of work I have to do this week I needed to post something fun and light.

And I’m known to have extremely strange dreams – I have all my life so to be honest, I’m not surprised with the above dreams.

I’m not an A.R.M.Y… Am I???

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C: You’re so an ARMY.

ME: No. I don’t think so.

C: Yes you are. Just admit it!

ME: Really, really not!

C: But you love BTS!

ME: True, I really do, but I just don’t see myself as an ARMY.

C: Why not?

ME: I don’t like the chant. I support it if it supports BTS but I personally do not enjoy it. I don’t own those light-bulb things… nor would I buy you one unless we’re at a BTS concert. Speaking of BTS concerts, I’m not sure I’d go unless it’s to take you. Concerts are just not my thing. The only way I support them is legit-purchases of their digital tracks, digital albums and well, the full L.O.V.E. Love Yourself album set. And that was for you!

C: So? You don’t need to do all those things to be an A.R.M.Y. If you like them truly for their talents and accept them for who they are, faults and all, you can totally be an ARMY!

ME: …

C: And by the way, it’s called an ARMY Bomb light stick…

Could my daughter, who is often found in moments of true maturity, even more than myself, be correct?

Lets back up for a moment…

I honestly never classified myself as an ARMY. And believe me, I am not against BTS’ fandom. I’ve just never ‘belonged’ to any fandom group before. Rather, I’ve been going along for the ride, supporting ARMY but not really being a part of it.

So it got me thinking, “What does it mean to be a BTS ARMY?”

I’m aware of the negative side. I’m aware of the fan-wars between ARMY and EXO-L, for example (as well as other k-pop fan groups). I’m aware of those who claim to be ARMY but only act out in hurtful and spiteful ways – whether to other ARMY members, other k-pop fandom members, themselves, or even BTS members should one or more member do something they feel isn’t right (as if they feel BTS members owe them something – for example, see past dating rumors of how these fanatical fans have reacted).

Is this negative side what made me think I’m not an ARMY? I thought about this. And my final answer is… No.

There will always be a dark side to everything – any type of subculture formed, even with the intent of the greater good, has a dark side. And I think it’s important to actually see these negative people as NOT a true ARMY. Yes, I’ll just go out and say it. The ones who are disrespectful and create division rather than coming together as a positive group and movement, should not classify themselves as true ARMY. I won’t list all the past examples – I did go out to do a bit of research and was quite disgusted with some of the incidences associated with said, negative fans. I felt the hurt BTS members must have felt during those times.

Begin the hate for anyone who may stumble upon my blog and disagree with me. But I stand strongly with this belief and I do not limit this to k-pop fandom.

So where does that leave me? Why do I not see myself as an ARMY (yet)? Maybe because it’s my age? Maybe I’m just not use to this type of fandom? Perhaps I’m just happy calling myself a fan who loves BTS’ music and supports their hard work and creativity? I don’t know. I don’t have an answer. Maybe in time I will call myself an ARMY.

I do know this… whatever label I may or may not feel comfortable with, I am thankful of great wonderful ARMY folks who I have befriended here. And I’m thankful BTS strives to put out good work and share their talents with us. I hope all seven of them are happy and wish them all the best! As long as they strive to do what they love and continue to be both human yet respectful as they have been, I don’t see why I wouldn’t support each individual member equally. Hwaiting!

Stir Fry of Emotions – Fighting the Stigma

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I was on a business trip not long ago. We had a 3.5 day annual company conference filled with key-note speakers, company information and team building.

One of the team building was quite emotional. We broke out into small groups of 8-10 people and had to discuss our highest and lowest moments of our lives.

Ouch. Not easy. It’s sometimes difficult to even come clean with friends and family. But to be vulnerable in front of co-workers is a different level all together.

Yet, I decided to go first… I told my group, with a quick apology of not-so-pleasant news I was about to disperse, of my suicidal state a few years ago.

There’s one thing I have learned, dealing with anxiety disorder and depression – it’s a battle to break through the stigma on a daily basis. And it’s so easy not to realize the person next to you is suffering mental illness. I just read 2 of the 3 main symptoms of depression can not be seen so most people are walking around with no support, no treatment and at the risk of falling deeper into the hole.

It is NOT easy to talk about myself out in the open.

So what pushed me?

Knowing if I can open up and just not care of what will be said behind my back (should that happen it would be out of my control), will help one person who is suffering alone hear what I have to say, which may lead to that person getting help, well, it’s worth it.

I not only talked about what I went through – but about how I got help. And while it did not get rid of my anxiety and depression, as there are triggers everywhere which will not cease in my lifetime, I at least know how to get help now. I was able to talk about something extremely important:

HOPE.

It’s not as easy as I’m painting it. But should my words give even a glimmer of hope to the one suffering beside me, isn’t the vulnerability worth it?