guilty pleasures no. 46

guilty pleasures no. 46.

another guilty pleasures post… but this time, i also got a very interesting (and lengthy) comment. i find it interesting how people can misinterpret one’s life from one single blog post.

the post itself is really just about how i love traditional journals. but with that love, comes my desire to do more traveling. the comment basically was telling me to get off my ass and live my dream – make my dreams come true!

in theory, i do agree that we should try to make our dreams come true. life is too short – why not make the most of it? but as a parent, i also am inclined to think that there’s a time and place for certain dreams – now, for me, is not that time. and more importantly, i already am living my ultimate dream right now…

read the post and the comments. and if you wish, tell me what you think when it comes to chasing one’s dreams. especially if you are also raising children in the early stages of their lives.

read on…

finnish pancakes on a sunday morning – a cure for depression & anxiety

sunday mornings like this makes me both happy and sad at the same time. i suppose ‘sad’ is not the best word – more like i get hit with pangs of nostalgia in a bittersweet way. basically? i know this will become yesterday once i wake up tomorrow to face probably another hellish week.

and yes, this past week has been hell. all this past month, actually. weekends have been my saviour – snippets of time with family and friends to make the weekly grind bearable.

this past week, however, was the worst. i am still trying to self-regulate myself on xanax and it’s not always easy. i felt myself going into my monthly hormonal changes prior to the beginning of the week. my mood, however, seemed controlled. it wasn’t until monday hit – the external stress from work hit me like a ton of bricks this week. tuesday and wednesday, i found myself at home – tuesday because i woke up with chest pains from an on-going cycle of panic attacks which robbed me of much needed sleep all monday night; wednesday, i found myself sleeping from my body being in a high, intense state from the panic attacks. i thought i was going to have trouble sleeping wednesday night because i could barely keep my eyes open throughout the day.

funny what panic attacks can do to one’s body – that night, i slept like a baby.

i thought i was okay going back to work thursday. i was – but then friday came and i found myself doing everything i could to fight off another panic attack. i barely made it through that day – but only because i rushed home at lunch to be with my husband, my rock, who helped me calm down.

so the problem is – i’m much more vulnerable during my hormonal transitions. even if i’m feeling fine on my own, the external factors can make me snap just like that. xanax helps when i feel all this coming on but doesn’t do a hell of a lot during a panic attack. i suppose it helps to control it by not letting it get any further. but then, there’s the side effect while coming off of it – insomnia for at least one night with some tail-end effect on the 2nd night.

people keep on telling me what i should do. and while i know they mean well, these are people who really have no idea. they think it’s something i can control all on my own – just by thinking it. easier said then done. a lot of it is chemical, though. not all – and it’s that part of my body that i can’t control (well, not without meds). but some people think that the meds are doing me more harm – maybe they are right, maybe not. the hardest part about this is that there’s no one magical way. i’m learning that all i can do is work with what i’ve got – which might not always be much.

i’m thankful, however, for the support of my husband. he has been amazing and it just keeps on making me want to get better (or control this bettter) because i don’t want to rob his life, or chaeli’s, from what should be a very good life. there was a time, during my really dark days, where i contemplated on leaving them (either physically move away or commit suicide) because i honestly believed it would give them a better life if i removed myself.

not to say those thoughts do not creep back into my mind every now and then, but there’s more fight to keep those thoughts at bay, at least. i think that’s at least some form of improvement.

anyway – my husband is amazing. i should mention that going into last weekend, he spent time on his days off to clean the house. i told him he didn’t have to do all of it – that i would help saturday morning. but his response? he didn’t want me to clean on a weekend when we should just relax and have fun. and this morning, he made finnish pancakes for us. we had them with maple syrup (tapped from a family friend’s property – fresh and organic) and fresh blackberries and blue berries on the side.

i savoured every bite and then continued to sit there with my husband, while he finished his plate of finnish pancakes while we contemplated about future vacation trips for next year.

here’s a recipe for finnish panckes – it’s like the kind we use to get at the hoito (a place in thunder bay): http://www.legourmet.tv/cooking/finnish_pancakes_recipe.html

march break madness

i actually planned on blogging during my week off for march break. what can i say? i had other things to catch up on. some work at home, yes – but also i wanted to catch up on spending time at starbucks with my husband, after our morning workouts, and having some short naps with hobbes during siesta time. my priorities were shifted last week.

on top of that, a recap of weekly events:

• chaeli went to a march break art camp. i always am on the fence of sending her to any type of camp during the winter or march break. but truth be told, i wanted to get some personal things done and keep her productive and, of course, chaeli wanted to do this which made the decision easier. well, it was an amazing idea. she had a blast. while this program was run through the city, making it extremely affordable, what i liked was that they had special instructors who lead each of the 5 elements of study – painting, printing, craft, pottery and chaeli’s favourite, photography. this was not a camp run just by teens (though teens were there to assist). she’s signed back to this place for two sessions in the summer.

• we had fabulous weather so after picking chaeli up in the afternoon, we would go to a dog park or take hobbes out for a walk.

• on the one rainy day, i took chaeli to a nail place. we both got a manicure – though i have to say i’ll never go back to this place again. the cost was not at all worth it. while the one lady did a good job on my cuticles, she took too long (making the wait for chaeli a bit tough). and the lady who did the paint job… well, it was the worse ‘professional’ paint job i’ve ever received. i think back to the day i went out with my friend, B, to get our nails done for only $8 and am almost sick to my stomach that i had to pay $15 for my nails at this place (problem is that in my area, that’s the going rate). at least chaeli’s paint job was only $6.

• we went to a new sushi place – all you can eat. it was decent but not amazing. but they did have an amazing array of sushi, maki rolls, sashimi and handrolls – all made fresh with each order and then brought to your table. still, it was nice to go out to eat mid-week rather then have to cook and clean up dishes.

• we ended the week watching a live, professional lacrosse game downtown. when we first arrived at will call to pick up our tickets, we were told that they didn’t have our seats available for the section we purchased for. the girl actually tried to give us seats in the upper bowl section. we purchased seats in the reds – lower bowl and 2nd section behind the platinum rows. i wouldn’t have it. so after waiting for another person to hear us out and then for him to discuss with his manager, they gave us our three tickets. but we only realized how close we were to the field when we got to our seats – they gave us platinum centre… ROW THREE! the photo below is a bit blurry because we used doug’s blackberry – but it shows how close we were to the action.

Toronto Rock getting their ass kicked from Buffalo Bandits

• i got to squeeze in a couple extra yoga sessions which was in itself sheer bliss for me. my body felt it, though. they were not easy classes – both had elements of power yoga.

• we ended our weekend quietly but managed to go out for one more outing at the dog park by cherry beach. doug worked saturday, however, so i stayed up watching twilight – breaking dawn part 1. which was much more restful then doug who had four calls to go to overnight, leaving him with only, at most, two hours of sleep. the below is hobbes, cuddling up to a very tired firefighter (something hobbes is now getting use to):

"daddy - you're finally home! where have you been all this time?"

thunder bay and lake superior 2011 – a photo-blog of our vacation

our one week vacation was spent traveling to thunder bay to visit my in-laws, as well as stopping at some key points around lake supeior.

sunset in sault ste marie

our first stop was in sault ste marie – a halfway point we normally use for one night when we choose to drive to thunder bay. we found a nice restaurant along the harbour called Docks’ Restaurant. it’s a casual place but the food was amazing! the price was also very reasonable.

afterwards we took a walk along the harbour to catch the sunset.

on the road to thunder bay

a lot of the drive around lake superior was breath taking. the winding roads, rock formations, green forests and sparkling lakes and rivers.

we always stop to see the goose in wawa

one of our many stops from sault ste marie and thunder bay is wawa. we learned soon after arriving that they were taking down this goose after 50 years of it being a major landmark in this small town of 3,200 people. they are hoping to raise enough money for a new one. we bought a pin for chaeli’s collection – proceeds of the pin goes towards the project.

national monument of grand portage

during our stay in thunder bay, we took a day trip with my SIL, BIL, niece and nephew to minnesotta. we first stopped in grand portage – a national park – and visited a historical site where they replicated what use to be vital fur trading post and anishinaabeg ojibwe heritage.

my baby nephew

my baby nephew – he’s about 15 months old and this is the first time i had a chance to meet him. and what a hoot he is! if only we could see this guy more, i would babysit him and take him to the zoo and feed him lots of animal crackers. or as he calls them, “coooo-ka!”

docked boat

chaeli posing on the dock at grand portage

there was this lovely long dock extending from the national monument area. we took a walk down to the very end and all the time, i was so tempted to reach down and feel the water. of course, it was fairly high above the surface but i managed to find this bottom landing which brought me closer.

the water was cold! but refreshing. apparently, no one can survive past 20 minutes at most in lake superior. hyperthermia doesn’t take long to set in.

cousins collecting rocks – grand marais

here’s chaeli posing with my niece as they hunted down rocks at grand marais.

this town of 1,350 people centres around a harbour. it’s a very pretty place but a shame that they operate more around a very short tourist season. i have driven by in the winter and the place is dead during those cold months. everything shuts down by 5pm (if not earlier).

hobbes prowling alone shore of five mile rock beach

after leaving grand marais, my niece and nephew fell fast asleep so my SIL/BIL decided to just head home. doug, chaeli, hobbes and i stopped along the shores across from five mile rock (a wee island five miles from grand marais). it was a good spot to let hobbes go off leash. and for him to take a sip from the cold waters of lake superior.

neys sandy beaches are filled with driftwood

at the end of our week in thunder bay, we all went to neys, a provincial park midway between thunder bay and sault ste marie. this was also a historical location. at the east end, called prisoner’s cover, they use to keep a prisoner war camp of WWII. apparently, high-end german officers were held captive here. and as bad as a war camp sounded, they weren’t treated so poorly (so long as they cooperated). after the war ended, some of them even returned to canada to live.

the beauty of the place also attracted some key painters from The Group of Seven, such as Lawrence Harris who found Pic Island and transformed the natural formation into his subject and famous Pic Island paintings.

the new trailer we inherited

here’s our new sad and old little trailer – inherited from doug’s late grandfather.

it’s very little. and very old. and very, very little. but it does the trick! and we look forward to making some solid memories from this trailer.

some old timber boats sitting on top of an inactive volcano

the above is a photo of a look-out point at the end of our hike. it’s actually above an inactive valcano.

in the very far distance, at the tip of the other shoreline, you can see a couple of tiny bumps. that’s Pic Island. one day, i hope to get a much closer look.

the view from our campsite

the final sunset before heading towards home again.

rest of photos can be found here.

return from vacation, grade two and 3am wake-up calls

• we arrived back from our trip to thunder bay and lake superior late sunday night. yesterday was a mad rush to do laundry, clean my dad’s van (which we borrowed), bring our new, old little trailer to the storage place and prepare for chaeli’s first day of grade two.

• managed to upload photos of which i will highlight here soon – we had beautiful scenery. i edited the almost 500 photos i took down to just over 100.

• dropped chaeli off this morning after finding her new home room. exciting! she was nervous leading up to the first day but as she quickly learned, there was nothing to be nervous about. she had some friends in her class that were in her class in grade 1. and the teacher (one of them we met this morning – the other starts at 9am) was very warm and bubbly. always the characteristic trait you want for the younger grades.

• this week might be hard to do a full workout routine but i’ll be back at the gym starting tomorrow to ease my way into it. i’m sure i gained 5 lbs on our trip. but that’s not much to lose.

• i’m really tired. not just because of the trip and all the work unpacking yesterday, but at 3am, hobbes decided to let me know that he wasn’t well by throwing up on my back while i was sleeping. why do they ALL go to mommy when they are sick?

some memories live forever

sometimes i think back to memories that have significantly added quality to my life. there are so many to choose from. i think what makes these memories special is that they can not be replicated. the instance it took place, the people, the mood and right opportunity – to try to repeat it would only lead to disappointment.

to list some of them:

colborne lane during earth hour

it’s true that the food was outstanding. but i think it was the people we shared this experience with that made it a perfect night.

first night in bangkok

i still remember this night even though it happened nearly ten years ago. three of my best friends and i arrived in bangkok on khoa san road. there was one person we were to meet up with the next day and i wish she were with us that first night. because after a day of traveling, we were baked. but it was daytime and we wanted to reset our internal clocks. by the evening, we set out for a spot for dinner.

it was just a simple place with large windows that opened into the street to give it that overall, open-space feel. i’m sure we ordered different types of dishes but the one that i will never forget was the pad thai. up until then, i never tasted pad thai as good as that dish we consumed that night. and the beer. the cold, thai beer.

i remember a feeling of euphoria while i thought to myself, “i’m finally here… this is real and i’m finally here.”

grand palace – bangkok thailand

same trip as the above… this time within the walls of the grand palace.

i specifically remember being next to my friends while standing infront of the large statue of budha. just for a brief moment, i felt like something was happening to all of us. as if that moment would change us. forever. i found myself all of the sudden very emotional. in a good way.

second trip to disney world

personally, i’ve been to disney world at least half a dozen of times. but it was the 2nd time with doug and chaeli which sticks out the most.

perhaps it was because chaeli was older and was able to enjoy it more than the first time. or perhaps we stayed in disney world rather then just outside which we discovered made a huge difference (and we didn’t have to spent that much more).

but what made this trip so great was that there were little surprises along the way. maybe it was luck that we were there at the right time and at the right place. i don’t know. but with an invitation to go behind the scenes at epcot’s living seas pavillion, getting vip seats at beauty and the beast and chaeli getting a chance to go to the stage at the end to receive a rose from the prince… these were just some of the examples of the luck we had. and all we were doing was just standing there!

the little waterfall on highway 1

for the life of me, i would not be able to find this fall again. i just remember it was the california road trip i took with tai and arvie. we were making our way from monterey bay down to los angeles by highway 1 (for most of the way). the road was winding quite a bit and so our speed had to be slow. i saw this long and tall water fall by the mountain side and asked tai to stop.

we got out of the car to take photos.

it was lovely. and secluded. the fall was surrounded by lush green and all i could do was just stand and marvel at it.

acapulco cruise port

we were on our way for the panamal cruise. the ship set sale on the first night from acapulco. but not after it remained on dock until after the 2nd seating for dinner.

i remember wandering on to the deck to take a farewell view of the bay. the sun was just near the end of setting and the hillside was lit with tiny lights.

by best friends’ wedding

it’s not often you get to be a part of the wedding where the entire wedding party is your close circle of good friends.

meeting my daughter for the very first time

i saved the best for last.

the nurse put her on my chest. she was crying with gusto! but as soon as i said, “hello” she stopped immediately and looked up at me.

there was recognition. she knew my voice. she knew me.

4:17am at sibbald point

(wp) Sibbald 07/09/11, a set on Flickr.

even though packing for just one night of camping wasn’t my cup of tea, it was definitely well worth all the work!

it felt so good to go camping again.

we did some fishing, swimming and hiking. but my most memorable moment was around 4:17 am. chaeli had woken up needing to use the loo. i had to go, too, as did hobbes. so doug had no choice really but to come with us since we couldn’t bring hobbes into the public washroom.

upon returning, we spotted a blinking glow on the grass area of our site. i slowly approached it, knowing it was a firefly as doug and i both commented earlier in evening that we both had seen them flying through the trees – and how neither of us have seen one since we were kids (they are now pretty scarce to find).

so we showed chaeli and she was simply at awe. the best part, though, was not just sharing that moment of chaeli’s childhood, but of the quietness of the night. the air was cool but still, the stars were out and it just seemed like we were the only ones on the planet.

bliss.

the art of one-night camping trips

there’s definitely an art to it. mainly, the goal is to create a system where packing and then unpacking is smooth and easy. which is hard to do and to be honest, i haven’t figured it all out just yet but i’ve made it my project to find out how to do it.

friends of mine use to have in their trunk a box of equipment and some clothing (older stuff they don’t mind getting worn and dirty) all set in their trunk. maybe even a sleeping bag or two as well. when the mood hit, they would just toss in the tent and some food, keeping the meals really easy.

returning from their weekend trip, all it took was to store any leftover food and do the laundry.

easier said then done when it comes to just taking care of yourself. throw in a kid, a dog and a husband who likes to over-pack, and you’ve got yourself quite a handful.

still, i’m determined to make it easier because while there is still work involved, i loved camping this weekend. and i really want to do more of it.

i made some mental notes this time around in areas we can cut back on and improve on. when we unpacked, i asked doug to keep this one box out with supplies we have at home, that we can keep for future camping trips. i’ll be building on that box. at the moment, we’re still borrowing some utensils we have at home and then having to unpack them and store them away for daily use. so, i’ll be looking at keeping a set just for camping, along with other supplies.

food is an area we need to improve on. we always created ‘gourmet’ meal plans and we have to let go of that when we’re just going for a night or two. it might mean sandwiches, ramen noodles and/or kraft mac ‘n cheese with chopped hot dogs. and while there’s nothing like fried eggs and bacon/sausage in the morning, the time it takes to make and clean up forces us to not get a chance to explore the park until closer to noon when the day is starting to get hot. cereal, milk and fruit will have to do.

and a bag of rain gear should always be packed with some fleece for unexpected cold nights – all just left in the trunk. picnic blankets can be left in the trunk as well.

there’s a lot we can do that doesn’t need repacking each time.

anyway, we did have a great weekend regardless of how short it was. i will write a separate post about it with photos later on this week.

country road, take me home…

we just got back from a country weekend getaway – friends of ours invited us to stay with them in a town two hours away from here.

they live on a fairly large property with the backyard leading to a forest – cross the dirt road and we also were greeted by a river.

they had over 70 maple trees on their property tapped, saving a couple to tap when chaeli got there, just so they could show her how it was done. i thought that was pretty special. even if you go to a very rustic maple syrup farm, the trees are already tapped and collecting the sap. so for chaeli to see the production happen from start to finish was very cool. in fact, it was cool for me because i had never seen that myself!

they gave us a huge jar of syrup to take home with us – we’re very lucky. store bought maple syrup is heaven. local maple syrup is even better. but this jar? it comes with memories of the whole, entire weekend which we will always remember for years to come.

on top of all that, we were pampered with good food and wine, which even a daily cocktail as the sun started to set. i got a chance to try a grasshopper for the very first time. i know it’s quite a dated cocktail but i’ve always wanted to know what it tastes like – damn good!

both chaeli and hobbes got a lot of fresh air. hobbes went nuts because we let him off leash pretty much the whole time. he’s now sleeping after going non-stop for the past couple of days.

what a great way to end our march break.

not starving at “starving artist”

We’re sitting here at Starving Artist (http://www.starvingartistbar.com) after the most delicious waffle and espresso brunch I have ever had. I got the potato waffle benny – first time having waffles with potatos in it and first time having benny on a waffle rather then the traditional english muffin. Definitely worth the experience! We’re now going to another dog park to expend some puppy energy.