business trip

business trips are always interesting. people who normally do not go on business trips ooohh and aaahh whenever i tell them i’m going on one soon. then i have to put my hand up and say, “yeah – it’s not that exciting. especially where i’m going. and believe me – i don’t get to do anything fun.”

this week, i was in the state of new york – around the buffalo region. i will admit i had fun with my co-workers (getting out of our main office, dining together, having some good laughs) but the days are long. by the time i checked into my hotel room, it was 10pm.

people also ooohh and aaahh when you tell them which hotel the company has set you up in. it’s never a really fancy hotel but usually around the 4-star mark.

once again, i put my hand up to stop them. even if they did set us up in the most luxurious hotel in the world, the fact that i only get to spend time in it for 3-4 waking hours, of which i’m usually going through my notes from the day, it’s not like i get much time to enjoy the grounds and facilities.

i did, however, manage to workout twice – swapping much needed sleep just so i can throw in some yoga and cardio. but this isn’t something most people do. mainly because they aren’t insane and i, no doubt, am.

my husband emailed me, “hope you guys have an amazing dinner.”

once again, you guess it, i emailed back what i can only describe as a virtual “speak to the hand” gesture as i replied with, “[CITY NAME] is not a place known for their fine dining. AT ALL. for example, i was at an italian restaurant and they didn’t even know what a Pelligrino was. club soda was the only type of sparkling water we could get.”

i will say one thing – the americans do know their quantity. i always get a large serving – one where i can ask for a doggie bag for lunch the next day. and if you go to a nice enough restaurant, you will get decent food. one time, we found a little greek diner – the chicken souvlaki was made of the most tender and fresh chicken breast ever. so not at all is at a loss.

it’s just that i admit i can be a bit of a foodie-snob. so while i’ll eat anything without much complaint, just don’t wish me a ‘happy fine-dining’ experience in a place where that pretty much does not exist.

guilty pleasures no. 46

guilty pleasures no. 46.

another guilty pleasures post… but this time, i also got a very interesting (and lengthy) comment. i find it interesting how people can misinterpret one’s life from one single blog post.

the post itself is really just about how i love traditional journals. but with that love, comes my desire to do more traveling. the comment basically was telling me to get off my ass and live my dream – make my dreams come true!

in theory, i do agree that we should try to make our dreams come true. life is too short – why not make the most of it? but as a parent, i also am inclined to think that there’s a time and place for certain dreams – now, for me, is not that time. and more importantly, i already am living my ultimate dream right now…

read the post and the comments. and if you wish, tell me what you think when it comes to chasing one’s dreams. especially if you are also raising children in the early stages of their lives.

read on…

finnish pancakes on a sunday morning – a cure for depression & anxiety

sunday mornings like this makes me both happy and sad at the same time. i suppose ‘sad’ is not the best word – more like i get hit with pangs of nostalgia in a bittersweet way. basically? i know this will become yesterday once i wake up tomorrow to face probably another hellish week.

and yes, this past week has been hell. all this past month, actually. weekends have been my saviour – snippets of time with family and friends to make the weekly grind bearable.

this past week, however, was the worst. i am still trying to self-regulate myself on xanax and it’s not always easy. i felt myself going into my monthly hormonal changes prior to the beginning of the week. my mood, however, seemed controlled. it wasn’t until monday hit – the external stress from work hit me like a ton of bricks this week. tuesday and wednesday, i found myself at home – tuesday because i woke up with chest pains from an on-going cycle of panic attacks which robbed me of much needed sleep all monday night; wednesday, i found myself sleeping from my body being in a high, intense state from the panic attacks. i thought i was going to have trouble sleeping wednesday night because i could barely keep my eyes open throughout the day.

funny what panic attacks can do to one’s body – that night, i slept like a baby.

i thought i was okay going back to work thursday. i was – but then friday came and i found myself doing everything i could to fight off another panic attack. i barely made it through that day – but only because i rushed home at lunch to be with my husband, my rock, who helped me calm down.

so the problem is – i’m much more vulnerable during my hormonal transitions. even if i’m feeling fine on my own, the external factors can make me snap just like that. xanax helps when i feel all this coming on but doesn’t do a hell of a lot during a panic attack. i suppose it helps to control it by not letting it get any further. but then, there’s the side effect while coming off of it – insomnia for at least one night with some tail-end effect on the 2nd night.

people keep on telling me what i should do. and while i know they mean well, these are people who really have no idea. they think it’s something i can control all on my own – just by thinking it. easier said then done. a lot of it is chemical, though. not all – and it’s that part of my body that i can’t control (well, not without meds). but some people think that the meds are doing me more harm – maybe they are right, maybe not. the hardest part about this is that there’s no one magical way. i’m learning that all i can do is work with what i’ve got – which might not always be much.

i’m thankful, however, for the support of my husband. he has been amazing and it just keeps on making me want to get better (or control this bettter) because i don’t want to rob his life, or chaeli’s, from what should be a very good life. there was a time, during my really dark days, where i contemplated on leaving them (either physically move away or commit suicide) because i honestly believed it would give them a better life if i removed myself.

not to say those thoughts do not creep back into my mind every now and then, but there’s more fight to keep those thoughts at bay, at least. i think that’s at least some form of improvement.

anyway – my husband is amazing. i should mention that going into last weekend, he spent time on his days off to clean the house. i told him he didn’t have to do all of it – that i would help saturday morning. but his response? he didn’t want me to clean on a weekend when we should just relax and have fun. and this morning, he made finnish pancakes for us. we had them with maple syrup (tapped from a family friend’s property – fresh and organic) and fresh blackberries and blue berries on the side.

i savoured every bite and then continued to sit there with my husband, while he finished his plate of finnish pancakes while we contemplated about future vacation trips for next year.

here’s a recipe for finnish panckes – it’s like the kind we use to get at the hoito (a place in thunder bay): http://www.legourmet.tv/cooking/finnish_pancakes_recipe.html

thunder bay and lake superior 2011 – a photo-blog of our vacation

our one week vacation was spent traveling to thunder bay to visit my in-laws, as well as stopping at some key points around lake supeior.

sunset in sault ste marie

our first stop was in sault ste marie – a halfway point we normally use for one night when we choose to drive to thunder bay. we found a nice restaurant along the harbour called Docks’ Restaurant. it’s a casual place but the food was amazing! the price was also very reasonable.

afterwards we took a walk along the harbour to catch the sunset.

on the road to thunder bay

a lot of the drive around lake superior was breath taking. the winding roads, rock formations, green forests and sparkling lakes and rivers.

we always stop to see the goose in wawa

one of our many stops from sault ste marie and thunder bay is wawa. we learned soon after arriving that they were taking down this goose after 50 years of it being a major landmark in this small town of 3,200 people. they are hoping to raise enough money for a new one. we bought a pin for chaeli’s collection – proceeds of the pin goes towards the project.

national monument of grand portage

during our stay in thunder bay, we took a day trip with my SIL, BIL, niece and nephew to minnesotta. we first stopped in grand portage – a national park – and visited a historical site where they replicated what use to be vital fur trading post and anishinaabeg ojibwe heritage.

my baby nephew

my baby nephew – he’s about 15 months old and this is the first time i had a chance to meet him. and what a hoot he is! if only we could see this guy more, i would babysit him and take him to the zoo and feed him lots of animal crackers. or as he calls them, “coooo-ka!”

docked boat

chaeli posing on the dock at grand portage

there was this lovely long dock extending from the national monument area. we took a walk down to the very end and all the time, i was so tempted to reach down and feel the water. of course, it was fairly high above the surface but i managed to find this bottom landing which brought me closer.

the water was cold! but refreshing. apparently, no one can survive past 20 minutes at most in lake superior. hyperthermia doesn’t take long to set in.

cousins collecting rocks – grand marais

here’s chaeli posing with my niece as they hunted down rocks at grand marais.

this town of 1,350 people centres around a harbour. it’s a very pretty place but a shame that they operate more around a very short tourist season. i have driven by in the winter and the place is dead during those cold months. everything shuts down by 5pm (if not earlier).

hobbes prowling alone shore of five mile rock beach

after leaving grand marais, my niece and nephew fell fast asleep so my SIL/BIL decided to just head home. doug, chaeli, hobbes and i stopped along the shores across from five mile rock (a wee island five miles from grand marais). it was a good spot to let hobbes go off leash. and for him to take a sip from the cold waters of lake superior.

neys sandy beaches are filled with driftwood

at the end of our week in thunder bay, we all went to neys, a provincial park midway between thunder bay and sault ste marie. this was also a historical location. at the east end, called prisoner’s cover, they use to keep a prisoner war camp of WWII. apparently, high-end german officers were held captive here. and as bad as a war camp sounded, they weren’t treated so poorly (so long as they cooperated). after the war ended, some of them even returned to canada to live.

the beauty of the place also attracted some key painters from The Group of Seven, such as Lawrence Harris who found Pic Island and transformed the natural formation into his subject and famous Pic Island paintings.

the new trailer we inherited

here’s our new sad and old little trailer – inherited from doug’s late grandfather.

it’s very little. and very old. and very, very little. but it does the trick! and we look forward to making some solid memories from this trailer.

some old timber boats sitting on top of an inactive volcano

the above is a photo of a look-out point at the end of our hike. it’s actually above an inactive valcano.

in the very far distance, at the tip of the other shoreline, you can see a couple of tiny bumps. that’s Pic Island. one day, i hope to get a much closer look.

the view from our campsite

the final sunset before heading towards home again.

rest of photos can be found here.

return from vacation, grade two and 3am wake-up calls

• we arrived back from our trip to thunder bay and lake superior late sunday night. yesterday was a mad rush to do laundry, clean my dad’s van (which we borrowed), bring our new, old little trailer to the storage place and prepare for chaeli’s first day of grade two.

• managed to upload photos of which i will highlight here soon – we had beautiful scenery. i edited the almost 500 photos i took down to just over 100.

• dropped chaeli off this morning after finding her new home room. exciting! she was nervous leading up to the first day but as she quickly learned, there was nothing to be nervous about. she had some friends in her class that were in her class in grade 1. and the teacher (one of them we met this morning – the other starts at 9am) was very warm and bubbly. always the characteristic trait you want for the younger grades.

• this week might be hard to do a full workout routine but i’ll be back at the gym starting tomorrow to ease my way into it. i’m sure i gained 5 lbs on our trip. but that’s not much to lose.

• i’m really tired. not just because of the trip and all the work unpacking yesterday, but at 3am, hobbes decided to let me know that he wasn’t well by throwing up on my back while i was sleeping. why do they ALL go to mommy when they are sick?

some memories live forever

sometimes i think back to memories that have significantly added quality to my life. there are so many to choose from. i think what makes these memories special is that they can not be replicated. the instance it took place, the people, the mood and right opportunity – to try to repeat it would only lead to disappointment.

to list some of them:

colborne lane during earth hour

it’s true that the food was outstanding. but i think it was the people we shared this experience with that made it a perfect night.

first night in bangkok

i still remember this night even though it happened nearly ten years ago. three of my best friends and i arrived in bangkok on khoa san road. there was one person we were to meet up with the next day and i wish she were with us that first night. because after a day of traveling, we were baked. but it was daytime and we wanted to reset our internal clocks. by the evening, we set out for a spot for dinner.

it was just a simple place with large windows that opened into the street to give it that overall, open-space feel. i’m sure we ordered different types of dishes but the one that i will never forget was the pad thai. up until then, i never tasted pad thai as good as that dish we consumed that night. and the beer. the cold, thai beer.

i remember a feeling of euphoria while i thought to myself, “i’m finally here… this is real and i’m finally here.”

grand palace – bangkok thailand

same trip as the above… this time within the walls of the grand palace.

i specifically remember being next to my friends while standing infront of the large statue of budha. just for a brief moment, i felt like something was happening to all of us. as if that moment would change us. forever. i found myself all of the sudden very emotional. in a good way.

second trip to disney world

personally, i’ve been to disney world at least half a dozen of times. but it was the 2nd time with doug and chaeli which sticks out the most.

perhaps it was because chaeli was older and was able to enjoy it more than the first time. or perhaps we stayed in disney world rather then just outside which we discovered made a huge difference (and we didn’t have to spent that much more).

but what made this trip so great was that there were little surprises along the way. maybe it was luck that we were there at the right time and at the right place. i don’t know. but with an invitation to go behind the scenes at epcot’s living seas pavillion, getting vip seats at beauty and the beast and chaeli getting a chance to go to the stage at the end to receive a rose from the prince… these were just some of the examples of the luck we had. and all we were doing was just standing there!

the little waterfall on highway 1

for the life of me, i would not be able to find this fall again. i just remember it was the california road trip i took with tai and arvie. we were making our way from monterey bay down to los angeles by highway 1 (for most of the way). the road was winding quite a bit and so our speed had to be slow. i saw this long and tall water fall by the mountain side and asked tai to stop.

we got out of the car to take photos.

it was lovely. and secluded. the fall was surrounded by lush green and all i could do was just stand and marvel at it.

acapulco cruise port

we were on our way for the panamal cruise. the ship set sale on the first night from acapulco. but not after it remained on dock until after the 2nd seating for dinner.

i remember wandering on to the deck to take a farewell view of the bay. the sun was just near the end of setting and the hillside was lit with tiny lights.

by best friends’ wedding

it’s not often you get to be a part of the wedding where the entire wedding party is your close circle of good friends.

meeting my daughter for the very first time

i saved the best for last.

the nurse put her on my chest. she was crying with gusto! but as soon as i said, “hello” she stopped immediately and looked up at me.

there was recognition. she knew my voice. she knew me.

4:17am at sibbald point

(wp) Sibbald 07/09/11, a set on Flickr.

even though packing for just one night of camping wasn’t my cup of tea, it was definitely well worth all the work!

it felt so good to go camping again.

we did some fishing, swimming and hiking. but my most memorable moment was around 4:17 am. chaeli had woken up needing to use the loo. i had to go, too, as did hobbes. so doug had no choice really but to come with us since we couldn’t bring hobbes into the public washroom.

upon returning, we spotted a blinking glow on the grass area of our site. i slowly approached it, knowing it was a firefly as doug and i both commented earlier in evening that we both had seen them flying through the trees – and how neither of us have seen one since we were kids (they are now pretty scarce to find).

so we showed chaeli and she was simply at awe. the best part, though, was not just sharing that moment of chaeli’s childhood, but of the quietness of the night. the air was cool but still, the stars were out and it just seemed like we were the only ones on the planet.

bliss.

things i miss doing that i want back in my life

reading. oh how i miss always having a book on hand. it’s been months since i’ve read a book. and really, it’s my quest to start reading again as the summer months approach.

i loved using the library and still hope to take books out. but the reality is that unless i take a book out that’s not on hold (i.e. popular books), i won’t have the chance to finish it before i have to return it.

i may resort to purchasing books through kindle-amazon – digital books. if the price is good and it’s a popular book i really want to read.

blogging. of course, i still blog but it’s not as often as i like. but i want to get back to posting at least once a week. blogging has always contributed to my creativity and to not get this outlet as frequently as i use to saddens me.

traveling. unfortunately, this is one area we won’t be able to afford doing for awhile. but i think it’s important that we do one or two weekend get-aways. just for our own sanity. i’m not placing this high on our list but it’s definitely something not to be completely ignored.

hiking. the weather is getting warmer which means we’ll be taking more walks and hikes on the weekends. yeay! it wasn’t just the exercise it gave all of us, but a chance for us to explore different trails and towns outside of our city.

yoga. i do do yoga, but not weekly like i want to. in fact, there was a time i did it twice a week and it felt great! so i’m going to try and squeeze it in at least once a week, on top of my other workouts.

the one thing i have had more time for is working out. for the past couple of months, i have found a way to introduce it back into my life – on a more consistant basis. it’s not perfect and sometimes, it needs to change week to week in order to fit it into my busy lifestyle, but i’m happy that i’m at least doing something.

so here’s to the end of winter and all the things i hope to do!

escaping the politics

i haven’t blogged much because i’ve been overworked and pretty much stressed out. and while i’m tempted to vent about all the silly politics that’s been going on around me, i’m more inclined to just put that aside so i can write about other things in life.

besides, after doug came home last night from his evening class, we stayed up until midnight, discussing all the issues i’ve been facing at work. and trying, where possible, to come up with a solution.

since our country weekend get-away, hobbes has come back extremely matted. and while we did try to detangle the furry mess, it was just impossible. at least impossible to do it without causing him pain. since then, it’s only gotten worse as he scratches and gnaws at them, making each knot bigger and bigger.

we spoke with our groomer and she basically said that when dog reachs this point, the only they can do is give them a shave.

it’s time to change the style anyway. it will prepare him for the warmer months. it’s still cold in the mornings and evening so we may need to invest in a doggy sweater. honestly, something i’ve never imagined getting for a dog but now i see why it may be necessary.

chaeli’s 2nd report card came in today. for her core subjects (math and english), she did about the same as far as grades, with one new section graded in english (novel study) and two new sections for math (data management and problem solving). in total, there are now 6 sections graded in each core subjects. she received mainly B+ (high 80′s) and some A- (low 90′s). we were pleased because the comments were all positive and while the grades did not change much, the material did – much more comprehensive and difficult then in the first term.

what was also nice was to see that in all other subjects, she received from A- to A+, with an exception in science (B+).

i had to laugh when i read that her one A+ was in computer studies. i made a remark to doug, “yeah, i’m not worried about her grade in computer class – it’s somewhat inherited.”

as for me, i was more into the comments this time then the grades. and am learning that the teacher’s comments shed way more light then a mere letter or grade.

anyway, chaeli was totally eager to see her own resutls. i let her read it at the back of the car on the way home the day we receive the report card in her folder at school. all i could hear was exhasperated whispers of “YESSSS!!!” from the back as she went down the list of grades.

there are about 3 more weeks of doug’s two-nights per week classes and it’s a major countdown for me. the long winter on top of a lot of things happening for work for me, has made the mid-week and half of the weekends where he gone, pretty tough. he’s tired, i’m tired… and the crazy thing is that part of my frustration is that i can not work late either tuesdays or wednesdays which are usually the days that are more optimal for me to work late. i’ve been working late fridays instead and then bringing home work.

who wants to work late on fridays and over the weekend when they can get it over earlier in the work week?

so it’s a bit ironic… i’m countding down to the weeks where i can work late on those two days which is a wierd thing to want to do. but given the option, it’s the lesser of two evils.

country road, take me home…

we just got back from a country weekend getaway – friends of ours invited us to stay with them in a town two hours away from here.

they live on a fairly large property with the backyard leading to a forest – cross the dirt road and we also were greeted by a river.

they had over 70 maple trees on their property tapped, saving a couple to tap when chaeli got there, just so they could show her how it was done. i thought that was pretty special. even if you go to a very rustic maple syrup farm, the trees are already tapped and collecting the sap. so for chaeli to see the production happen from start to finish was very cool. in fact, it was cool for me because i had never seen that myself!

they gave us a huge jar of syrup to take home with us – we’re very lucky. store bought maple syrup is heaven. local maple syrup is even better. but this jar? it comes with memories of the whole, entire weekend which we will always remember for years to come.

on top of all that, we were pampered with good food and wine, which even a daily cocktail as the sun started to set. i got a chance to try a grasshopper for the very first time. i know it’s quite a dated cocktail but i’ve always wanted to know what it tastes like – damn good!

both chaeli and hobbes got a lot of fresh air. hobbes went nuts because we let him off leash pretty much the whole time. he’s now sleeping after going non-stop for the past couple of days.

what a great way to end our march break.