christmas 2012 celebrations – day 2

my dad and chaeli – sitting in the pumper truck

since this was doug’s first christmas away from home, my parents, chaeli and i decided to bring a little holiday cheer to his firestation.

it was also a good excuse to give my parents a tour. my dad was really excited to get a chance to sit in the firetruck – like a big boy with some new toys! and of course, he wanted nothing less than to pose with chaeli.

i brought one of our home made christmas cakes for the crew and even brought doug a couple of presents from santa to help kick-start his christmas.

and just like yesterday’s post, here’s chaeli’s ‘best of’ loot:

chaeli’s 2012 ‘best of’ loot

1. Kinectimals for XBOX Kinect (from doug and i)
2. Lego journal
3. Monster High dolls
4. Headband craft kit (from my aunt and uncle)
5. Cooking Mama for Nintendo DS
6. Captain Underpants and the Terrifying Return of Tippy Tinkletrousers [Hardcover]
7. XBOX Kinect plus 2 game bundle (from my parents – meant really for all of us)
8. Rise of the Guardians (paperback – from M & E)
9. $10 gift card (from Hobbes)
10. Smencils & Holidays Smencil erasers
11. Lego City Firetruck (from doug’s parents)

christmas 2012 celebrations – day 1

i am breaking my posts up to 3 posts – each for each of the 3 days we celebrated christmas. with doug working on christmas day, we basically decided to spread christmas out. and to be honest, with all that goes into preparing for this holiday, this was a nice change, being able to enjoy it a little longer.

it started on christmas eve. we went back to the church we got married – united church – for christmas mass. a first for chaeli. and while she was bored during some parts, she loved the singing. in the end, there was a closing candle lighting ceremony where every person on both sides of the aisle was given a thin, long candle and would then pass the flame down each aisle, which chaeli was more than happy to participate in.

the day leading up to the 7pm service and a little time spent afterwards, heavily took place in front of our christmas tree.

we spent a good time reading our books and listening to tunes. it was very relaxing.

after chaeli fell asleep for the night (we waited until midnight, just in case) doug and i tip-toed to the stockings and christmas tree to do santa’s deed. and of course, before chaeli got ready for bed, she left a letter to santa next to a glass of milk and a plate full of cookies – plus a carrot for rudolph (her specific instructions).

santa and family were extremely generous to us this year. and because of all the super generosity, i’ll showcase each of our ‘best of’ loot per day, starting with doug’s:

doug’s 2012 ‘best of’ loot

1. Game of Thrones box set (paperback)
2. German beer set with beer stein – Erdinger beer
3. Extreme Brewing (hardcover – gift from chaeli)
4. Year’s subscription to Runner’s World (from hobbes)
5. Loaded by Blake Shelton (downloaded and burnt to CD)
6. Two types of Dry Rub/Spice – Carribean Chicken and BBQ
7. Train tracks to add to our Christmas tree train set (from his parents)
8. Skyrim for PS3 (from my aunt/uncle)
9. Assassins Creed for XBOX
10. Chef Michaeli Smith’s Fast Flavours (paperback)
11. Tartan design firefighter cap (from me)

the eve before christmas eve

doug came back from yesterday’s 24-hr shift this morning – thus commencing our 2 days together as a family. it’s going to be a very busy week (mainly for the latter half of the week) so this is our chance to just hang out. just the four of us.

i just finished our yearly newsletter – a bit earlier this year. normally, i don’t get a chance to start it until after christmas and never completing it until the first week or two of the new year.  but with doug working yesterday, i had some quiet time after chaeli went to bed, to compose some of the memories of 2012 into words.

it was, actually, a stressful year in many ways, but i’m glad i do this annual newsletter because it really helps remind me of all the great moments we’ve had – both individually and as a family.

i’ll admit i go into 2013 feeling quite unsettled. i think this occurs whenever i feel like there’s just too many loose ends left from the previous (current) year  and i don’t know what that really means for 2013. this would be okay if i knew that 2012 was a transitional year but in many ways, i just don’t feel like it was one. or maybe it was but it seems that these past few years have been one transitional year after another.

i don’t have any formal resolutions to make for the upcoming year. all i can really hope for is to continue searching for inner peace – to find strength in blocking any external negative and evil energy that tries to penetrate my spirits and my soul. i will still be on that path of finding enlightenment and hoping to continue cleansing my soul in order to make room in my heart for those that matter in my life.

anyway – to anyone who is reading this, i wish you and your loved ones a very happy and safe holiday. all the best in 2013!

meditating through the holidays

meditating through the holidays <- my latest post in healthy shy.

this is usually a very highly stressful time of the year for me. and i’m doing what i can to be more aware of any signs/symptoms before that snow ball effect towards a massive, depressive episode.

the joy of cutting coupons

as a continuation of yesterday’s post, i happen to find myself doing something completely mundane yesterday, where i was so involved in it that i actually forgot about anything else i usually carry around with me in my mind.

while my daughter finished her dinner, i decided to go through a big stack of coupon books piling up on our kitchen table.

in the past, we would just cut them up, pile them together and clip/stick them on our fridge.

yesterday, i got the idea to divide them up into five different categories and place them in envelopes.

and so, i went to work on my mini-project, only to discover as i went through cutting and sorting, i had found a moment of peace.

it sounds very strange, indeed. but the reality is that i normally don’t get to just sit and do anything mundane these days. i miss the simplicity of doing a task that involves very little thinking but that has a beginning, middle and end that’s all very clear-cut and uncomplicated.

it’s actually sad, really, to realize that i miss doing simple things mainly because my life is so not simple these days. everything just seems really complicated. and while i’m not saying that i want to revert my entire life to doing just simple tasks, yesterday’s moment just reminded me how completely off balance things have gotten.

i use to love my job. even with all the craziness – i was good at it. now? it doesn’t matter how good i am. i am doing the job of 5 people but there only my mistakes are now being pointed out. and i’m making more mistakes then before because i am stressed and being pushed to my limits.

so as i concentrated on cutting and sorting those coupons yesterday, i just kept on thinking how much i was enjoying that little quiet moment. i’m a terrible cutter, too. i can never cut a straight line and i’m very clumsy. it’s amazing how i haven’t cut my fingers more often than i have. but that didn’t matter because that moment was not meant for perfection, as so many other moments of my life is. i was able to just lose myself into cutting those coupons. and fixating on the job of doing a task that had no pressure.

again, how sad is that? that there’s pressure around almost everything that i do these days. that rarely anything is being done for pleasure and when i do get some moment to relax, i am too wound up to do so.

finding key moments

i was rummaging around my bedside drawer when i found this gift i had completely forgotten. it’s a beautiful, metal bookmark a girlfriend of mine brought back for me while she was visiting india a little over a year ago:

lotus bookmark* by anand prakash

i’m in the midst of reading books i borrowed from the library and quickly swapped this cheap bookmark i got for free from an agricultural trade show many years back with this gorgeous metal one.

it’s funny how something like this just jolts that reminder right through me – that amidst all this chaos i’ve been going through, all this stress and darkness, i need to just remind myself that there’s still a lot of joy, peace and beauty around me to help me survive.

these past two months have been horrible. i’ve suffered a lot of depressive episodes. more than usual and that’s mainly due to a declining and negative environment at work (of course, along with my mental health issues). i’ve felt suicidal many times – a feeling of doom and hopelessness has just been following me around.

then today, i woke up. and it’s funny because the first immediate thought i had was, “yeah – like i’m going to kill myself because of work. like they’re even worth the effort!” i know – of course, they are not worth it. any normal, healthy minded individual would get that.

but i’m not normal. and i’m not healthy-minded.

still, it was a key moment for me. and so when i found that metal, lotus bookmark, it just tied into finding that little bit of peace to help me get through today.

i am nervous, however, about tomorrow. and of this week. and the next. i ask anyone out there who might be reading this to pray for me. pray for the strength that i need to get through the next two weeks.

* can be purchased online.

tis the season

tis the season – again

it’s been several days since i lasted posted here. not intentional. in fact, there’s been many times where i’ve wanted to write up a post about something but i’ve been so busy, it’s just been difficult to make the time.

anyway, it’s mid-november which means we’re gearing up for christmas! i asked doug if we could start decorating earlier this year (next weekend, actually). obviously, since we buy a live tree, that will be the last decoration to go up, which will be two weeks before christmas.

but there is the need for me to be surrounded by the christmas decorations this year. it always helps. it’s like they give off a warmth and helps to bring much more peace and tranquality to my soul.

plus, we’re preparing to bake a lot of cookies as a way to make little care-packages to all of chaeli’s teachers as well as some family friends. it’s great to get into the mood of baking when you’re surrounded by the holiday decorations (and maybe some christmas tunes, too).

anyway, usually i am near done by christmas shopping by now. this year, i’m a little slower but pretty much have an idea of what i need to get. just a couple of more stops at specific stores and a few more clicks online and i should be done.

escaping with good reads

i’ve been reading much more this year than in the past few – and i’m excited to be getting back on track.

if there is one lesson i must remember, no matter how busy life gets, there’s always room for reading. it’s not unlike my lifestyle choice of making time for fitness. i need to exercise both the body and mind.

thankfully, i found greg through the old vox community (which i still think was a much better blogging platform and community – no offense wordpress – while i do think you are still no. 1, vox gave me my own personal space which made it easier to share and reach out to a smaller yet intimate online community). his blog, focused on the literary community (mainly in montreal) with a generous amount of posts about good reads, gives me ideas and ways to reach out outside the norm.

i’ll admit, if it weren’t for his blog, i wouldn’t have discovered several international and local authors from my reading list.

i’ve just put 3 books on hold from our library – two of the books recommended by greg. and one banana yoshimoto book thrown in just for kicks. yoshimoto books are always an easy, quick read. her writing flows and carries you through the pages – definitely one of my guilty pleasures.

yoga – hip openers

 

 

 

 

read how yoga has helped my chronic lower back pains – and specifically, some of my favourite hip opener poses.

read more…

yoga me

it’s been a really hard couple of weeks for me. i’m actually taking a couple of sick days (well, at least today – i will play tomorrow by ear) due to a panic attack.

doug really wanted me to take the day off. too bad he had to work – it is our wedding anniversary today. but that’s ok – even if this week didn’t pan out as badly as it did, we would have had to postpone our anniversary celebration until next month.

i’m tired. physically, but even more so, emotionally. still, i’ve managed to do some mild yoga. i find the breathing really helps to calm me down. so i decided to post about some of my favourite yoga positions – they are the easier ones but they calm me the most.

read more from my post, yoga me.