panda cuteness, mother’s day part 2 and rouge hike

we had a very nice long weekend. packed full of fun, family time!

awhile ago, we got our zoo membership newsletter which gave us an opportunity to view the new panda bears and exhibit the day before they were to greet the public. i jumped at this opportunity since it would mean that we wouldn’t be competing with the usual zoo crowd.

i was even more pleasantly surprised when i went online to choose our 30 minute session that there were no additional fees – just a perk for being a member!

er shun (the female) and da mao (the male) were just adorable! but man, do they eat a lot of bamboo!

da mao, leaning and eating

saturday morning, doug and chaeli surprised me with ‘tea for two’ (or three in our case) at one of my favourite haunts, the old curiosity tea shop. the food is still amazing and the tea – yeah, good stuff!

tea for two, please!

that same afternoon, we finally got a chance to see iron man 3 and i must say, it redeemed itself from the 2nd movie. not that i hated the 2nd movie – but it’s my least favourite of all iron man movies and even all avenger movies.

sunday morning, doug cooked up some fluffy pancakes – as usual, i had to have some berries to go with my brunch. the black berries and strawberries are not in season here just yet so we caved and bought some that came from the states. not my ideal choice – i would rather buy frozen canadian berries to support our agriculture but a whole month of frozen berries has done me in. i was craving the fresh stuff.

we didn’t want to waste such a beautiful sunny day so we piled ourselves into the car and drove to the rouge valley for a hike towards the wetland area. upon passing the zoo, we immediately were relieved to have had a chance to see the panda bears when we did. as saturday and sunday was the opening weekend for the panda exhibit, even the over-flow parking areas were almost completely filled up.

little miss in the little creek

our hike lead us to the rouge creek and back. hobbes had a great time walking mostly off-leash. as it was his 3rd birthday this past weekend, he also got treated to a couple of t-bone steaks (just the bone part).

we missed doug on monday since he had to work. it’s not so bad because i know he’s doing something he loves for a living – and helping people out there.  but of course i still wished we could have had him for the entire long weekend.

still, it was a wonderful time spent with one another. after i spent the early morning working out and then going through chaeli’s summer clothes (and collecting all the clothes we wanted to donate – 3 garbage bags; most of it were chaeli’s old clothes), chaeli and i spent most of the afternoon watching a series of romantic comedies – maid in manhattan, back-up plan and 27 dresses. i have to admit that this is a very fun age – she’s got that perfect mix of geek and girl-fun. from comic books and superhero movies to chick flicks and manicures!

as she gets older, i hope to introduce her to vampires.

mother’s day weekend

as mentioned, chaeli and i had our own pre-mother’s day celebration. and yes, she finished all five comic books by dinner time that day. we’ll probably go back in june. and to be honest, because i wasn’t prepared, i didn’t really get a chance to look at a lot of the graphic novels. i want to get back into reading sandman and hellblazer.

it was a very nice, albeit cold, weekend. friday night, we went to oakville to hang with ada and hoa. they took us to a burger restaurant known for their 100+ choices, which was just in walking distance.

a good thing – we needed that walk back just to help digest those crazy burgers! the chain is called the works. and while it’s a carnivore’s heaven, there’s the option of subbing the beef burger for chicken. and a huge selection of vegetarian options (especially the ones featuring a portobello mushroom as the core).

sunday morning, i was prepared for the feasts (yes – plural) ahead of me so i woke up to start my workouts (yes, once again, plural) at 7am. i started with the p90x strength circuit training, chest, delts and triceps, and after a 15 minute rest to re-hydrate and take hobbes out on his potty break, i finished off with a really strong ashtanga vinyasa / power yoga session. i was half way through when doug came home from his shift.

with flowers and fresh berries from the store on the way home, him and chaeli made me a cinnamon bread french toast and breakfast sausage brunch. with blueberries and my favourite, blackberries! oh… and very good coffee!

later that day, we went up to my parents’ place and basically, ate some more. i also treated myself to THREE gin & tonics.

apparently, there’s more, though. while sunday at my parents place was nice for all, i really needed a day for just the three of us and was a bit bummed not to get it. especially as i had a very early morning Monday – had traveled for work to the states – coming home later than usual to boot.

they’re taking me out this weekend. i’m not being told where… just whether i want my brunch on saturday or sunday. so… i suppose there will be a post-mother’s day celebration to follow.

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doug’s first half marathon

sunday morning, chaeli and i woke up at an ungodly hour in order to get doug across the city so he could join wah for their very first half marathon (and marathon of any kind). ada was there too. and i have to admit, i probably would not have dragged myself out of bed at 4:45 am if it weren’t for the fact that ada would be there to kill time for a couple of hours.

after the guys went off to check in, ada, chaeli and i went to a cora’s close by the start line. one thing about cora is that it opens early – but even still, we were waiting in the parking lot for about 10 minutes for it to open at 7am. but we got the early bird special! can’t say i’ve ever had that before (you need to order before 8am to take advantage of this marked-down menu – and seeing as how i usually only go to cora’s on a weekend, there’s no way i would get there before 8am voluntarily).

we then went to park our car at a community centre just 3 km from the finish line. the idea to take the shuttle bus didn’t seem appeasing to either of us so we walked down (note: my only exercise for the day – no guilt, either, as my husband was in the middle of his 21 km run).

i’ve never been to a marathon of any kind before so it was quite exciting to walk along the lake shore next to the path of runners – we arrived just as the first group of them started to breeze through. the spirit and excitement was exhilarating!

both wah and doug came below what they expected as far as time. wah at 1 hr 42 min and doug at 2 hr 10 min. doug wasn’t going for time as much as just wanting to complete his first 1/2 marathon. we were all very proud of both of them. completing it is an amazing feat – one i’ll never do!

afterwards, as we accompanied the guys slowly to the shuttle buses, we were all looking forward for some food. brunch for the two runners and well, as ada, chaeli and i already had breakfast type food, lunch or snacks for us gals.

we ended up at this really neat little cafe called Kerr Street Cafe. i ordered their fish burrito and it was heaven. served with my favourite type of salad leaves – argula with a light lemon vinaigrette, the burrito was quite large and the fish was quite hearty. yet, i wasn’t left feeling overly full – it was a perfect amount. i also had been craving some type of fish taco or burrito, too. at around the same price, i could have satisfied my craving at Mucho Burrito, close to where i live, but their portions are tiny and the amount of fish is quit small in comparison to what i got at Kerr Street Cafe – plus this cafe’s ingredients were fresh.

the coffee was to die for. i got this type of coffee known as “long black” which is sort of like a reverse americano in how it is prepared. the flavour was both strong and smooth – not always an easy combination to achieve. a lot of people think of strong coffee needing to have a really harsh edge to it. not at all true if you’re going for the quality stuff – it can be very smooth in taste.

all in all, it was a beautiful weekend. the sun was out and the days were long. it actually felt more like summer than spring – especially as both weekend afternoons had that lazy-patio feel.

dream cheating

but technically, i don’t really ever dream cheat on doug. reason being, my subconscious has found a way to make my dreams guilt-free.

in any dream where i have some type of hot and sexy fling with a celebrity, i’m always in my 20′s – during the time i hadn’t even met doug.

how’s that for getting away with technicality?

last night was about usher.

oh… hotness!

the dream was at a party. he came up to me and we started dancing. next thing i know he was holding me very close and whispering into my ear, “lets get out of here.”

yeah – like i was going to say no to him.

unfortunately, the rest of the dream was pretty much a bust. all i know was that i ended back at his condo, we went into his bedroom and he closed the door.

and that’s when i woke up.

apparently, i’m not very good at dream-cheating, either.

board games, high park zoo and duck confit french toast

this weekend, as do all good weekends, went by too fast. but it was a good weekend indeed. the type i wish i could just put in a jar for a rainy day.

doug did have to work saturday, so that day was low key. chaeli and i took hobbes to the vet for a routine heart worm check-up. not fun for him since they had to put a needle in his hind thigh to draw some blood. the poor guy starts to shake whenever he’s on top of the examining table.

nothing special happened for the majority of the afternoon. chaeli had homework and i had housework. but then, being the amazing, domesticated mom that i am, i told her to put socks on because we were going to wendy’s. and not just eat food from wendy’s. but eat there.

which is fun for a kid. for me? it just means the garbage can be disposed of THERE and not at HOME. and the mess, should there be a mess would be THERE. and no, not at all at HOME.

i made up for my lack of domesticated skills after dinner though. well, sort of. my intent, in order to win mother of the year, was to just turn on netflix and veg out in front of the tv.

chaeli, however, wasn’t in the mood for tv. she asked, “can we play board games?”

i looked at her and replied back with a question, “really? with just the two of us? don’t you think it would be more fun if we did family game night with daddy home?”

“no… it can be fun with just two people.”

i will admit. i took a moment to think of all the excuses i could think of. i had my heart set on being lazy in my pj’s, lying in bed watching whatever netflix had to ofer, at least for kids. plus, do you know what it is like to play boardgames with kids? they either don’t follow the rules or they take a long time to decide on their move or they whine when they lose.

well, maybe not all of them and not all the time. the potential for any of these things to happen can very well happen.

but suddenly, i was in the mood to play myself. and i’m glad we did play that junior scrabble game, even though it forces you to limit your choices to the words already on the board. because it was a great way to spend the evening.

the next day was quite nice. we met up with ada and hoa at high park so doug could go for a run with them. while they ran, chaeli and i took hobbes to the off-leash trail to get some fresh air and move our muscles a bit.

i was not at all feeling guilty for the fact that i wasn’t joining them. in fact, i was rather happy to announce, “i don’t run. yoga, p90x and wimping out on gym cardio machines… that will do it for me!” they’re all marathon/triathlon types. or at least 10K types. and due to this, doug has been eating healthy and cutting back on the luxuries that happens to be beer. that’s why i don’t do marathons. i like to eat.

ada only did 30 minutes with them and then text-ed us to meet up with where ever we were. which was good. chaeli wanted to go to the zoo but with hobbes, i have to keep him away from the fenced in animals. ada was able to stick closer to her while i stood back whenever hobbes got overly excited from seeing an animal which he probably took as being a very, very large dog. except when he saw the turkeys and peacocks. then he just took them as very, very large birds.

we ended up at origin afterwards for an awesome brunch.

duck confit and french toast… heaven!

guilty shy: guilty pleasures no. 58

guilty pleasures no. 58

one of my recent tv addictions is chicago fire, which airs 10pm EST wednesday nights.

my firefighter husband, however, usually has something to say about that show.

but i just try to ignore him for the most part.

read on to learn what my husband has to say…

back from the great white north…

there’s a lot to catch up on here but i’ve been super busy both at work and my home life.

we just got back from our easter weekend in t-bay, visiting with doug’s side of the family. the main reason we all went was because my PIL have closed their craft and hobby (hobbyist meaning more railway train models/sets) and retiring, after being a part of the community for over 25 years. saturday was their very last, official day they were opened for business.

not long after 4pm, they hung up the closed sign and we all pitched in to help out with the party preparations. by 5:30pm, the 35 plus guests had arrived – each one being a significant part of the store’s history. in fact, i even worked the cash register to make it official for myself. i know i was invited because i’m part for the family (both doug and my SIL grew up working it the store), but i wanted to earn my invitation.

i met a lot of interesting people – all who had great stories. i wish i had the time to meet and talk with all of them but the evening went by so fast.

anyway, the toast was quite emotional and to finalize everything, the very first customer they had (one who’s been faithful all these years), made his very last purchase. he wanted to be the first. and he wanted to be the last.

i felt it was very appropriate.

going back to t-bay will be a little bit different. we spent the day doing a lot of ‘traditions’ we normally do. earlier that morning, we went to get coffee (and brunch) at a diner across the street with the regulars – the regulars being old-time hobbyist friends whom visited and purchased from the store often. but throughout the years, the tradition was to meet up for coffee every saturday and brunch on the last saturday of the month. they talked about railroads and trains and everything both in between and outside of their shared interest.

we wanted to also go across to coney island for our usual lunch fare everytime we are helping out at the store. but unfortunately, due to the fact that it was the long weekend, it was closed. we’ll have to still go back the next time we go for a visit. they have these slider dogs/hamburgers topped with their home-made chili. and their fries are one of the best!

it will be different when we go back – not having the store to lounge around and people watch from inside. while it wasn’t the same for me as it was for doug or my SIL, i definitely will miss it.

learning to forgive

i think when you are a parent or are in a relationship (or both), you tend to learn to forgive a little quicker. you have to, really. otherwise, you get yourself involved in a very bitter relationship.

but there are those really bad relationships from the past. the ones that’s the reason for your extra baggage. you know – the one that maybe even sent you to therapy.

i have one of those. my first long-term relationship. it was a beautiful first 6 months and then after the honeymoon ended, everything went downhill.

part of it was me, of course. i didn’t know how to be in a relationship. i was probably a crappy girlfriend at times, though i did really try my best. my intentions were always there trying to be good, but i had a hard time living up to his expectations. there were so many limits and rules. i think i fooled myself that if i loved him enough, i would be able to live up to all those rules.

unfortunately, he didn’t see it that way. he got nasty. really, really nasty. he put me down a lot, called me names and made me feel like i wasn’t good enough. not just for him. but for anyone.

the emotional abuse started slowly and then just built and built. by the time it became almost a daily thing, it was too late. i was too far deep to realize that what he was saying wasn’t true. that i was a good person and that i could do better.

near the end, he had malnipulated me in such a way that i was sheltered from my friends. he tried to even turn me against my own family. and, in the end, there was physical abuse as well.

for an adolescent, there’s already low self-esteem issues but being in a toxic relationship such as this kind just puts one’s self-esteem at an all-time low.

well… that was a long time ago. i was 17 when we first started our relationship. and about 21 or 22 when i finally had the guts to leave him.

still, i was his victim for many years after that. i was truly a lost person. and even for the first few years of my marriage, i think i still hung on to that anger. it was diminished but not fully gone. from time to time, he would even still visit me in my dreams. which was frightful. he did not harm me in my dreams but the dreams were never pleasent. i would always have this anxiety of getting rid of him so that he would be gone forever in my life.

if i had to guess, my dreams were telling me to let go of the anger. to find a way to forgive him.

for the longest time, i would imagine what i would say to him if i ever met him again. or a letter i would write to him if i ever found his address. i never got closure. i figured that getting closure might help me finally move on.

so recently, i did the old internet trick. it was a lot easier then i thought.  a quick google search and voila. his name came up in a directory. a directory that not only told me his current address, but who he was related to – a woman with a japanese first name. and while it gave me her maiden name, it also gave me her married name.

which was the same last name as his.

curiosity got the best of me and so i took her current name and did another google search. lo and behold – she has a facebook page. but of course, i had to be connected to her to see her full profile.

that didn’t matter, though. because the one photo of her, which was quite large, was of her and him standing together like a regular married couple.

the photo was taken in december of 2012.

he looked alright. a little older but aren’t we all? and he looked happy.

a gazillion emotions went through me and to be honest, i am still processing all of it. i am still trying to figure out what i’m actually feeling.

but somewhere lies a sense of peace. i don’t know if he is still the same a-hole that he use to be. i don’t know if their marriage is happy. but i do know that i can imagine that maybe he’s changed for the better. and that he’s also found peace with his wife.

it helps that he does not live in the same city anymore. nor in the same country, for that matter.

whatever feelings of wanting closure – at least by the way of a letter full of angry words – has completely disappeared.

and so while this sounds completely confusing (it should – because i’m still confused), i’ve spent the last day or two, thinking of all the things that came out of our relationship that i’m grateful for.

these are not deep or significant ‘relationship’ things. they are things i might have discovered even if i hadn’t even met him. but they are, at least, some positives that i can pull from those very dark and disturbing years.

i suppose, this is a very long-winded way of me saying thanks to him, for introducing me to the following:

• david bowie
• james (the uk band)
• monty python and the holy grail
• hitchiker’s guide to the galaxy
• jamaican beef patty in a coco bun
• anne rice’s interview with the vampire

that’s all i’ve come up with. at least for now. but it’s enough. enough for me to start my process of forgiving.

i hope this works. because it would mean that i can finally move on.

random confessions no. 5

okay, okay… i caved. i’m sucked right into the thick of 50 shades of grey.

i’m mortified, ashamed and embarrassed to admit that i’m reading it. i have no qualms about reading any type of erotica. but i had trashed this book before and now that i’m reading it, it totally and utterly deserves some trashing.

but i’m still drawn to it – like mentioned before with the twilight series, there’s this ‘i need to know what happens next’ pull.

as far as the writing, i would prefer an amateur writer to just write – without trying so hard. it would have been less noticeable that she’s a horrible writer if she didn’t add those really out-of-ordinairy words out of the blue to a style that is on the more casual side.

anyway, without giving away the storyline, i’ll commence a list of irritating parts of the book:

• E. L. James, please just say ‘envision’. who says ‘envisages’ anyway? it doesn’t even flow. especially with your writing style (or lack of). it annoys me to death because she uses ‘envisages’ several times – never the word ‘envisions’. the repetitiveness makes it too evident that she is trying too hard.
• the characters mutter what they say. a lot. i often wonder how they even hear what the other one is saying with all the muttering. there are dialogues upon dialogues where they are described to be muttering a statement or response. it’s a book full of muttering dialogues.
• i would like to shoot anastasia’s inner goddess. or at least give her inner goddess a vallum. she’s a bit of a spaz.
• anastasia is often thinking the words ‘oh my’. all throughout the book, i see oh my.  yes. like that. italicized. everywhere.
• if they are going to be emailing each other back and forth like they do (pretty much in every chapter), why the hell have they not signed on with skype? or at least get onto gtalk or some other type of instant chat system.

what disturbs me the most… women around the globe are apparently in love with this fictional christian grey character. i think i would be ok that these women are just getting all kinked out with the hot fantasy-like sex. or just needing to know what will happen to these two’s disturbed and ‘effed up relationship.

it just makes me a little sick to my stomach when i think back (before reading 50 shades of grey) how these women fully admit, “i wish I could meet my own christian grey!”

really? but he’s beyond just controlling. his behaviour extends outside the bedroom and takes over parts of the relationship that does not equate to trust and respect.

the sex scenes were not disturbing to me. they were, actually, a little boring (it’s very repetitive and personally, not at all a turn on – the romantic bits where it was just plan vanilla sex – as they called it – was somewhat hot, though). it was what happened outside their fantasy-role play.

i’m not at all sure why anyone would want that in a relationship.